One of the changes I did not expect is to suddenly fear the horrible:
- the idea of Chris dying in some horrible tragic accident before the baby was born
- the idea of me suffering some debilitating trauma after the baby was born
- imagining, while gazing at the innocence of my sleeping child, what it must be like in real life for babies to be neglected: the scene in Trainspotting comes to mind
- the starving mothers who look into the eyes of their hungry babies whom they can't feed
These thoughts are heavy and sad.
But they make me aware of how fortunate I am, and I squeeze Zenas a little tighter.